


crimes against life

by daniadaniadania



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Mild Gore, Minor Violence, Self-Harm, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, pre-suffering game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 19:27:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14088003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniadaniadania/pseuds/daniadaniadania
Summary: who knew suicide was a crime against life?





	crimes against life

**Author's Note:**

> please heed the warnings! this is a fic about suicide. it's graphic. please, do not read if that will be triggering for you! more notes below.

  


**_Taako. Crime Against Life. First Count._ **

 

Kravitz could not believe the scroll in front of him. Sure, he had seen Taako’s name in his ledger before but last he checked, the Raven Queen pardoned the crimes. He summoned additional details.

 

**_Suicide. Method: Blee-_ **

 

Impossible. What a strange mistake, not only to pull up the record of a previous criminal but to ascribe them a crime that is not their own? Blood rushed to Kravitz’s fingers and he instinctively opened a portal to the Reclaimer’s dorm.

 

“Taako? Are you here?” Kravitz melted his human facade off so that he could sense the souls in the vicinity. He sensed quite a few in the nearby halls and just one upstairs. Taako’s soul sung to him, weaving golden melodies and he went up to it immediately.

 

He knocked on the door of the upstairs bathroom. “Darling, I just wanted to check on you,” Kravitz was just being silly, of course. He should’ve gone straight to the Raven Queen and let her know that he received an incorrect summons. But something about seeing Taako’s name next to… that word…

 

There was no response.

 

“Taako, it’s me.” Kravitz hadn’t had a beating heart for long but the sensation of it skipping a beat was still staggering. “Taako…” His voice was raising far above a professional level.

 

“I’m coming in.”

 

He phased through the door and was immediately greeted with the sight of Taako’s bright, warm soul. Kravitz often allowed himself to just sit and bask in the light of his unique song and he took a moment to do so. Thank god.

 

Until he focused his eyes past the light and onto the elf’s mutilated body laying in a shallow bath.

 

“ _Taako_!”

 

“Ugh, I know, homie. Rough shit, right?” The voice emanated from the soul which floated sprightly, almost as dramatic as Taako’s usual gestures. “I was kind of hopin’ your mom would send, uh, a different reaper.”

 

Kravitz was absolutely speechless. He didn’t know if he wanted to cradle the small soul in his hands or rush to the body in the tub. He knew what death looked like and that no amount of mortal first aid could help the elf now. “What—”

 

“Yeah, yeah, can we jus’ skip ahead? I clearly don’ wanna talk about it.” The soul dimmed, almost imperceptibly.

  

“You know what I have to do, right, Taako?” Kravitz spoke slowly and without inflection. If he allowed himself to emote, he wasn’t sure he would ever stop.

 

“Yeah, my man, I know all ‘bout crimes against Death. Fly me to the Stockade already before Magnus and Merle get back.”

 

Oh no. Oh god. “Taako,” Kravitz’s composure slipped and he heard his voice crack. “Oh, Taako. This isn’t a crime against Death. It’s a crime against Life.”

 

The soul frozen mid-air, not fidgeting for the first time since Kravitz entered the room. “Nuh-uh, reaper. Stop messin’ with me and do your job already. I dunno how I could’ve made this more clear. Take. Me. To. The. Stockade.”

 

Kravitz couldn’t bear to look at the elf or the soul anymore. “I’m so sorry, love. I can only send Criminals of Death to the Stockade. As for Criminals of Life, well... I have to restore the life that they stole.” He delivered the speech as impersonally as he could, staring a hole in the floor in front of his shoes.

 

“ _No!”_ The soul flew into a corner of the room, as if to protect itself. “No, you can’t do that to me!” Kravitz had never heard Taako sound so hateful before. The soul grew brighter and brighter until a wave of magical energy exploded off him and pushed Kravitz against the wall.

 

“Taako, please, don’t fight me on this. I have no choice.”

 

“No! You don’t get to do this! You already tried to take me away once, I’m giving you permission. Lock. Me. Up. Now!” Another harsh wave erupted from Taako and Kravitz was knocked back again.

 

“Those crimes were pardoned. There’s nothing I can do. I’m so sorry.” Kravitz took a step towards Taako’s soul with his hand outstretched. Another wave of energy but this time, he had braced himself. He clasped his hands around the small golden ball and felt burning magic trying to push him away.

 

“I’m so sorry.” He crossed to the bathtub and pressed the soul back into place in Taako’s bare chest.

 

Few knew that a servant of the Raven Queen was equally adept to restore both life and death. Crimes against Life were much less common and usually kept hushed behinds closed doors. Kravitz had never been so thankful for his ability to bring life back as this moment, when he watched Taako’s wrists stitch back together and his color slowly return to his skin. He shook off his reaper form and brought a hand to Taako’s neck, feeling his steady, comforting pulse under his fingertips.

 

He felt his eyes water and let his head drop, allowing another moment of unprofessionalism, kneeling on the cold tile of an unfamiliar bathroom, listening to a heartbeat that was not his own.

 

Then, Taako gasped and threw Kravitz’s arm off his body. He tried to scramble to his feet but the wet floor of the tub brought him down hard. There was a sickening crack of Taako’s head against the porcelain and Kravitz reached out to steady him. Taako smacked his hand away and snarled. He followed up with a Thunderwave that caught Kravitz off guard, slamming him to the opposite wall.

 

“ _Get away from me_ . Get away! Get out!” Taako followed each exclamation with another powerful spell. “The next time I see you, you better do your _fuckin_ ’ job and take me to jail!”

 

Kravitz didn’t want to defend himself against Taako so he took each blow and did his best to stand up in between them. He had never seen Taako like this. Had never seen him look at the reaper like he was nothing.

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

When he couldn’t stand up any longer, he dissolved his human form and fell through a hastily ripped portal into the Raven Queen’s domain.

  


-

  


Kravitz hadn’t heard Taako’s voice in a few days. He called every night, offering to come over, talk to Taako, listen to him, whatever he might need. But Taako never responded. He kept a close eye on Taako’s soul to make sure he knew where he was and that he was still alive. But it wasn’t enough. He was distracted, letting bounties slip through his fingers, tormented with the memory of the way Taako looked, pale and bloody, on that awful day.

 

Kravitz spent some time investigating the myths related to suicide that mortals believed in. Apparently it was a common assumption that those who killed themselves were sinning, commiting a crime against the gods, and would therefore be imprisoned in the Eternal Stockade.

 

Poor mortals. Kravitz wished he could tell that that suicide was not a crime punishable by imprisonment. It was nowhere near as common as necromancy but, in his centuries of service, Kravitz had a number of summons to restore life to suicidal mortals in his years of service. It simply was not their time. After all, the Raven Queen and Istus’s work were often intertwined.

 

His train of thought was interrupted by another summons.

 

**_Taako. Crime Against Life. Second count._ **

 

Kravitz didn’t want to see any more details. He saw himself cut a portal as close to Taako’s soul’s signature as possible. He saw his legs step through and his cloak dematerialize as he shifted to his more approachable human form.

 

Taako was hanging from the ceiling and his soul had already left his body and was cowering in a corner of the room. Kravitz caught a glimpse of his Umbrastaff on the ground flinching and twisting, generating sparks haphazardly and he filed that information away for a less chaotic moment.

 

“Taako—”

 

“Please, no. Not again.” Taako’s voice was small and pitiful. Kravitz had never heard him so… quiet before. So pitiful.

 

“I’m so sorry. It’s not your time.”

 

The soul put up no fight this time. Kravitz gently cradled it and pressed it back into his body. He cut the rope with his scythe and gently carried Taako to his small dorm bed.

 

He knew that Taako wouldn’t be waking up for awhile and he took the opportunity to stay with the elf. He brushed a piece of his bangs behind his long ears and wiped dried tears off of his cheeks.

 

He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay in this room with Taako and keep him safe. He wanted to listen to his heartbeat get stronger and be with him when he woke up. He never wanted to see his lifeless body again.

 

But he had work to do so he pressed a kiss to Taako’s forehead and portalled to his Queen’s domain.

 

“My Queen. Is there anything that can be done?”

 

“ _There is no further leniency we can offer your beloved.”_

 

“I understand.” Kravitz hadn’t expected a favorable response. He found himself hesitating, drinking in the Raven Queen’s presence and letting it heal his fractured essence.

 

“I understand what I must do.”

  


-

  


**_Taako. Attempted Crime against Life. Thir—_ **

 

Not again.

 

God, not again.

 

Kravitz didn’t want to see Taako’s body, still and empty again. He wasn’t sure if he could take it.

 

The summons burned in his hand, urging him to fulfill its request and he knew he must do his job. The only hope he had was the new word on the parchment. “Attempted.” With that hope, he stepped through a portal and braced himself for what he might see.

 

Taako was sitting on his bed with his wand in hand, seemingly unharmed. Kravitz took this opportunity to rush to his side.

 

“Taako, what happened?” He resisted the urge to take the elf’s hand in his.

 

“Nothing yet, dammit, too many hit points.” With that, Taako cast a Magic Missile at his own chest. Kravitz was shocked but confused. A simple Magic Missile wouldn’t be enough to cause any substantial damage to Taako, the high level wizard that he was.

 

Still, Kravitz finally had a chance to stop this and he reached to take Taako’s wand from him. “Please, don’t do that!” He wrestled with the wand but Taako, when he had his mind made up, was near impossible to stop.

 

“ _Power Word: Kill.”_ Three words was all it took for Kravitz’s stomach to drop. He had to watch as Taako’s life drained from his eyes. His body went limp and his soul erupted out of his chest. There wasn’t even a sign of damage on the body, it was just suddenly… dead.

 

“No!” Kravitz leapt to his feet and went to grab the soul out of the air. The soul fought back, sending him flying across the room with a powerful wave of golden light.

 

“Taako, don’t do this!” Kravitz was a master at retrieving unwilling souls but he wasn’t willing to fight dirty. He just wished Taako could hear him… could understand.

 

Kravitz had never had a bounty that was draining in the way that this one was. To see Taako, usually so filled with life and energy, lifeless in front of him was more upsetting than he could have possibly imagined.

 

“Taako, I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to _keep_ doing this. Can we please have a conversation?”

 

“Fuck that, reaperman. Do your _goddamn_ job and send me away! I’m done, I’m dead, I’m a fuckin’ otherworldly criminal and I belong in ghost hell so do me a fuckin’ solid and take me there!”

 

“I can’t do that. You were pardoned and even if you weren’t, you can’t cheat life like this. The Raven Queen works closely with Istus, you of all people should know that, and it’s not yet your time. I’m sorry, Taako.” Kravitz tried to keep his voice level but he realized that his eyes were burning with tears. It hurt more than he would admit to be the only thing keeping Taako alive.

 

“Y’know what, fuck you.” Kravitz took the insult and he placed Taako’s soul back in his body and returned to his Queen.

  


-

  


Kravitz opened a portal to the Reclaimer’s dorm room. He stepped through and took in his surroundings. The room was empty which was not unusual. The boys were frequently out training for missions or in the field. What was unusual was the state of disarray the living area was in. Clothes were strewn about, food and food wrappers were spilling off the coffee table. Half empty glasses of tea, water, wine, and who knows what else cluttered every surface in the room, including the carpeted floor.

 

He scanned the area for familiar souls. He could sense Lucretia’s, far above him, most likely in her office. He had a faint hint of Carey and Killian’s souls in the training room but he hadn’t spent enough time with either of them to be sure. He felt Angus McDonald’s signature in the library he had visited once with Taako to retrieve the young detective and bring him to bed.

 

And, blessedly, he sensed Taako in the dorm’s shared kitchen.

 

He let his skin form over his skeletal form. He wanted to look familiar and comforting to Taako, despite their last few encounters.

 

Kravitz knocked on the wall and peered into the kitchen.

 

“Interested in a sous chef?” he said with a smile.

 

“Actually, no, thanks so much.” Taako said with a sneer. “I haven’t had a great track record with those.”

 

Kravitz halted, not expecting the bitterness. “Oh. Um, are you interested in some company then?”

 

“Just get it over with.” Taako snapped.

 

Kravitz wasn’t going to play dumb. “I just want to talk to you, darling.” It was the first time he had used a pet name for Taako in awhile and it sounded foreign and inappropriate.

 

“No one’s stopping you.” Taako returned to his cutting board and began chopping carrots, more fiercely than necessary.

 

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited in… awhile. I wasn’t sure if you wanted space or companionship and… well, I suppose I should’ve asked you.” Kravitz paused, waiting to see if Taako would respond.

 

He didn’t.

 

“And so, if you’ll let me, I want to talk about the circumstances under which we last saw each other.” Another pause. Another silence.

 

“Taako, darling, I care about you a lot. I would do almost anything for you. But I am duty bound to the Raven Queen and the laws of both Life and Death. If I failed to obey them, I would simply cease to exist. I’m merely a construct, far beyond the time that mortality offered me. And so, even if I wanted to help you pass on, I physically cannot.”

 

Taako’s chopping was still loud and aggressive. A stranger might say that he wasn’t listening but Kravitz could tell by the height of his shoulders and the rigidness in his ears.

 

“But I’m not in the business of forcing you to do something you don’t want to do. Placing a soul into an unwilling body is no pleasant task, I assure you. Especially not when I have to look in your eyes while I do it. So please, talk to me. Tell me why you want to die so that I can help you. Let me help you want to live again.”

 

“Ha.” Taako deadpanned. “I’m sorry this has been so hard for _you_ , kemosabe.”

 

Kravitz flinched. “That’s not how I mean-

 

“No, really, tell me about how hard _your_ week has been. Please! Tell me how hard it is to keep me alive cause, tell you what homie, I can relate.”

 

“I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

 

“‘S what I heard.” Taako’s posture deflated. Kravitz wanted to step closer and envelop him in his arms.

 

He took the opening to speak. “I only care about you, Taako. Forget about my job,” Kravitz’s eyes glowed red, a sign that the Raven Queen was present and verging on upset. “Forget about it! I just want to keep you safe. I’ll do anything, please. Help me help you.”

 

Kravitz wanted to say _don’t make me see you like that again_ but he knew that was a selfish thought. He didn’t want Taako to withdraw again.

 

“Please.”

 

Taako was slumped forward over his kitchen station. Kravitz couldn’t tell if he was crying or laughing but he was worried all the same.

 

Kravitz slowly extended an arm towards Taako. The elf recoiled, knife still in hand.

 

“Don’t touch me!”

 

Kravitz put his hands in the air. “Okay, okay. I won’t touch you.” He felt like such a failure, standing in this kitchen, tripping over his words, making Taako look at him like he was a traitor. “Taako… can you please— can you hand me that knife.” Gods, what an idiot. He was trying to have this conversation in a room with triggers and… methods. Why did it take him so long to notice? He needed to get that knife away from Taako—

 

Taako wrenched the knife through the air and held it to his arms. The scars from the first… incident were still red and angry.

 

“No!” Kravitz’s shout startled Taako who dropped the knife on the kitchen floor. Kravitz hesitated for a second too long, worrying about watching Taako recoil from him again, and in that time, it was back in Taako’s hands.

 

Before another word could be spoken, Taako pressed the point of the knife just below his ear and sliced his own throat open from pulse point to pulse point.

 

Kravitz shed his human form and rushed over. He couldn’t afford to be careful or kind anymore. He caught the first golden threads that escaped from the gaping wound and pressed them back into Taako’s neck. He couldn’t look at the elf while he hummed a healing word and watched the skin close up.

 

“Please, Taako, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” Kravitz knew the words were selfish and hurtful as soon as he said them. He added it to his list of recent mistakes to dwell upon later and, reluctantly, returned to his Queen’s domain.

  


-

  


Lucretia didn’t look surprised when Kravitz ripped a tear into the fabric of her office and stepped through.

 

She stood from her large writing desk and stood at her full height.

 

“Ah, the Angel of Death, I suppose?”

 

“That’s one of my names, yes.” Kravitz was thrown off-guard by her casual acceptance of his appearance. “I’m sorry, most people are more alarmed at my arrival. It almost seems as if you were expecting me.”

 

“I have been, yes. So, what are my official charges?”

 

“Your charges?” Kravitz was baffled, “Are you implying that you’ve commit mortal crimes? That’s not why I’m here.”

 

“Ah,” Lucretia was quick to recover and slipped an easy, professional smile on her face. “My mistake. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

“Well, I have concern in regards to an employee of yours. A Reclaimer named Taako. You do know him in that regard, yes?”

 

“I do know Taako… yes.” Kravitz had the feeling that Lucretia held multitudes of secrets behind her words. Her composure dropped, almost imperceptibly, and she took a breath before continuing. “I hope you’re not here to tell me that it’s his time because there are _quite_ a few people who would fight tooth and nail against that conviction.”

 

“Not at all! The opposite in fact.”

 

Lucretia crossed from behind her desk to a comfortable armchair closer to Kravitz. “Then please, have a seat, and let’s discuss things.”

  


-

  


Lucretia recruited Magnus and Merle to keep close tabs on Taako during missions, ensuring he took on no impossible tasks.

 

Angus, although not told the exact circumstances, seemed to perceive a change in Taako’s health and took it upon himself to check in regularly with his tutor, always making sure to have another class on the calendar not too far in the future.

 

Kravitz spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about the next name that would show up on his bounty list. He blamed himself, considering and reconsidering how he could’ve reacted better to Taako’s actions. He wondered if things would be different if he could change just a few words he said or things he did. He checked in daily with the Raven Queen. He needed the grounding that only she could provide. He even made a point to check in with Lady Istus, reassuring himself that fate had plans for Taako.

 

Taako… well, Taako was cleverer than he let people know. He felt the eyes on him, the precautions people took around him, and the way his colleagues always made sure to fill his calendar. He understood, of course, that they were assuring themselves that he had a future as long as he gave them a time and date that he would see them next.

 

It was all very… silly. It was like child’s play, really. Taako found it extremely easy to offer them throwaway promises that, of course he would be there. Yes, he was most certainly looking forward to it. No, he wouldn’t miss it for the world.

 

And they swallowed his lies because they didn’t know what else they could do.

 

On bad nights, Magnus wrestled sharp objects out of his slender fingers and held him until Taako fell unconscious. The umbra staff was more volatile than ever, setting fires regularly. Lucretia cast hidden wards on the base that let her know if Taako ever left or was in physical danger. Merle prayed to Pan and Istus, searching for answers on why; why Taako, why now, why couldn’t he seem to help at all?

 

And Kravitz? Oh, Kravitz. The reaper stopped counting how many times he discovered the elf’s lifeless body.

 

It had become… tiring. Although Kravitz would never admit that. Even the thought made him feel guilty. He tried his best to appear a beacon of support but it had begun to wear on him. He could only patiently wind his soul threads back into his body so many times before he started to second guess himself.

 

_Had his soul always looked this dim?_

 

_How long will it be until I respond to a bounty too late to save him?_

 

_Will Taako ever forgive me?_

 

Nothing in his centuries of reaping could prepare him for the way his heart sank when he was forced to witness a new method Taako had attempted for his own unrecoverable death. Some methods were faster than others, some took Kravitz much longer to heal, and each one scared him to his core. Kravitz wasn’t aware that he even had these limits to be pushed to but Taako seemed deadset in testing each one.

 

And one day, Kravitz could no longer inhabit his human form. He could still switch from skeletal reaper to just his soul as easily as ever but when he tried to turn human, he just… couldn’t.

 

He saw it coming, of course. The first time Kravitz had walked in on Taako’s corpse, he gasped, breath stuck in his chest, and hadn’t taken a single breath since.

 

A few weeks ago, when Taako spoke to him for the last time, his heart stopped beating. (Kravitz still spoke to Taako, of course, but the elf never seemed to hear him).

 

Kravitz’s skin grew cold anytime he spent too long away from Taako; now he couldn’t remember the last time he was warm.

 

He retreated into himself and his Queen’s domain. Once upon a time, he would finish a long day of work by materializing into an open seat in a concert hall, listening to the mortal music in order to decompress. But with his connection to humanity stripped from him, he couldn’t bear to be around others. On a bad day, he saw a white blonde elf laughing easily out of the corner of his eyes and became so jealous that his scythe involuntarily materialized in his hands. That day, Kravitz decided he no longer had the luxury to pretend to fit in with mortal life.

  


-

  


**_Taako. Crime Against Life. Nineteenth Count._ **

 

Kravitz takes a moment to sigh and collect himself. He knows that Taako reacts even worse to him when he lets himself cry. So he steels himself, takes a deep breath, and opens a portal to Taako.

 

To Taako’s corpse.

 

He will never get used to that.

 

He scans the corners for Taako’s soul. Nothing obvious. So it will be one of those days.

 

He calls out for him. No response. It’s always one of those days.

 

He checks the nearby rooms. Taako’s soul has an instinctive tendency to hide while it’s still adjusting to its condition. Still no soul.

 

He sheds his reaper form, dissolving into fine silver threads, so that he can sense Taako’s location. He can’t be far.

 

He’s not far.

 

Because he’s not there.

 

There is not even a hint of Taako’s unique song to follow. No remnants, no trail to follow, no sign whatsoever.

 

No soul.

 

He wasn’t fast enough.

  
  
  


Kravitz screams.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is obviously personal to me so i really appreciate any comments, kudos, or views. i wanted to write a bad-end suicide fic because when i was actively suicidal, reading all the comforting endings where the characters talk things out and fully recover was actually really discouraging. i felt like i didn't have that support system and so, i could never have that happy ending.
> 
> i tried to accurately display what it feels like to be on the other side as well. krav comes off as selfish a few times in this but i think he deserves the selfishness. there are few things black and white in mental health and i hope i portrayed both characters as realistically flawed.
> 
> all in all, this wasn't meant to hurt anyone. maybe self-trigger myself a few times but i think it was important for me to write.
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
